Reader opinion My abusive spouse has deliberately prolonged the divorce

For my spouse, the delay in the divorce process has been a carefully considered exercise of power and manipulation familiar from the relationship.

In Helsingin Sanomat the period of consideration for divorce (Still to consider?, 26.1.). For me, too, the length of the divorce process came as a shock, still lasting more than a year and a half.

I married an American man in Finland. The relationship turned out to be a nest of mental and physical violence during the marriage, which I fortunately escaped after years. My spouse refused to file for divorce together, so I filed for both stages alone.

It has taken an unreasonably long time for my spouse living abroad to have my application served. In the district court, the translation of the first-stage divorce documents into English and the sending of the service took a total of five months (normally it takes 2 to 4 weeks). My spouse had to sign that he had received service and send the certificate back to the district court. At this point, however, my spouse did not agree to co-operate for a long time, meaning that the reflection period could not even begin.

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When the first stage and the reflection period were finally completed and she had to sign the second stage certificate of service, my spouse again ignored the last date given by the district court. The district court nevertheless waited for my spouse to act. Prolonging and procrastinating for my spouse was a carefully considered exercise and manipulation familiar from the relationship. My spouse used his required signature as a way to blackmail me into doing the things he wanted.

During the process, it has been worrying to see how the other party to the marriage in Finland can still intentionally prolong the divorce unreasonably, using bureaucracy as a means of continuing mental violence and bullying. The divorce should proceed within a reasonable time despite the other party’s delay and opposition.

Hold on

We exceptionally publish the article under a pseudonym.

The reader’s opinions are the speeches written by HS’s readers, selected and delivered by HS’s editorial staff. You can leave a comment or read the principles of writing at

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