The psychologist of Online School No. 1, Kira Goldstein, on Wednesday, February 22, in an interview with Izvestia, gave advice on how to protect a child from bullying and violence from peers, and what to do if a child has been bullied.
As the specialist pointed out, first of all, it is important that the child trusts his parents and tells about cases of bullying and violence.
“This is the key moment. Further, it is worth advising him to restrain his anger. It’s natural to get upset about bullying, but that’s what people who bully do. This makes them feel stronger. It is also important to act bravely: let the child learn to speak firmly and clearly so that the offenders stop, turn around and leave, ”Goldstein emphasized.
The psychologist also gave parents advice on how to prevent bullying against children. So, you should instill in your child the skills of psychological defense and teach him the technique of communicating with people. In addition, it is important to teach him to defend his position, to distinguish between manipulations and to recognize lies. It is necessary to work on a healthy self-esteem of the child – for this, among other things, you should teach him to communicate with friends, which help to develop self-confidence.
In addition, parents are encouraged to participate in class activities, establish contact with teachers and classmates of the child, invite them to visit. This will help the child to become a member of the team.
“If it so happened that you found out about cases of bullying of your child, the first thing to say is the whole situation and accept it. Only in this way can you rationally talk to the child and help him. Here are phrases that will help start a dialogue with a child who has been bullied: “I believe you.” This is how you make it clear to the child that you are on his side and that together you will cope with the problem. “I’m so sorry this happened to you.” This is how you show the child that you share his feelings, ”Goldstein explained.
It is also important to convey to the child that this situation is not his fault and that this can happen to anyone. At the same time, he should feel that it was the right decision to address this problem to his parents. Another important phrase is the words about love and willingness to help the child and protect him from danger, the psychologist emphasized.
“Try to analyze the situation as calmly as possible with the child, and then on your own. The first impulse – to go deal with the instigator – would be inappropriate. To arrange a showdown in private or in front of the whole class, without finally understanding it, yelling, threatening the instigator or trying to use any violent physical actions on him – from the outside it will look like the same bullying. And this is not the example that needs to be shown to the child, ”the specialist warned.
She recommended not to advise the child to use physical force in response to bullying and violence. According to the psychologist, it is important to draw up a clear action plan, including negotiations with the class teacher and the parents of the instigator. If these methods have no effect, it is recommended to contact the school administration, after which – to the state authorities.
On February 16, Goldstein spoke about the main causes of child abuse. This behavior of the child may be caused by low self-esteem, a defensive reaction, or a tendency to self-affirmation.
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