“When you have a family like mine, you don’t stop building and working so that everything works.” Gabriela Wiener is a writer, journalist and poet. And one of the three adults who form her family with two infants. Gabriela and Jaime have been a couple for 20 years and are the parents of a teenager. Years ago they considered the possibility of interacting with other people and opening their relationship as a couple. There they met Rocío, with whom they both fell in love. Together they formed a trinomial, marriage to three. And from that union, another baby was born. 12 years after Rocío appeared, the five of them live together, like the family they are.
A polyamorous relationship is arrived at by the need not to choose a single person to love, love, respect and, of course, have sex with her. The same thing that you experience with one, you experience with several. And you are just as honest with all of them. TO Sandra bravo polyamory has allowed him to have the family relationship he wants. Because, precisely, her family fits regularly that she does not want to have only one partner. At the moment, only his siblings seem to have fully understood him. The father is still reluctant and the mother gets on the nerves every time the subject comes up. His personal vision of the subject has led to All that I don’t know how to explain to my mother, where he reflects on the sex-affective educational disability in which we forged this society. Sandra argues that limiting love to a partner generates violence: “Probably, at this moment, we find ourselves with a hegemonic masculinity that is closer to the pattern of the good and sensitive man who respects women without losing control of the situation. Preventing and acting against aggressions does not mean ‘killing the rapist’ as we often like to think, but rather looking at each other and thinking about our sexual practices, our policies in bed ”.
Sandra questions why we consider “making love” to having a sporadic sexual relationship: “There are solid foundations for considering love, and particularly being in love, as – almost by nature – a recurring situation, capable of repeating itself and that even favors the repetition of the attempt. If we are questioned, most of us will come to name the number of times we fell in love. ” Its non-exclusivity goes through making its concept of love polyhedral; Sandra has several relationships, all equally honest, that have provided her with a “loving family” that, she says, makes up for the lack of understanding on the part of her own family. “I have multiple relationships with various people with whom I do not maintain a structure of If not, it would be impossible, they are much more fluid relationships. Some of my partners do live in my same city (Barcelona), others in Madrid and another in Castellón. Also, I get along very well with his own sentimental stories and sometimes we do meeting, which has a more playful and punctual nature that has continued over time. We all have the cards on the table of the bond that unites us, so that each one can decide if they are interested in continuing or not. “
Javier, in his case, decided that it was necessary to try that people who had the slightest interest in polyamory, could know it. For this I believe poliamoris.com. In this portal, people with interests in non-monogamous relationships meet, who know each other, share their experience and learn what this is about romantic relationships with more than one person. “The most important thing is to be clear about emotional responsibility. This polyamory thing is not having a lot of girlfriends”. Affective responsibility is the most complicated process in polyamorous relationships. Contemplating that each of the members of the relationship deserves respect, affection and love. It is about maintaining a good relationship with more than one person, taking full emotional responsibility. But Javier, from Poliamoris is also aware of the changes that are taking place in terms of love: “I would say that polyamorous people and couples place much more value on fidelity, sincerity and full honesty with established links and agreed agreements. Affective responsibility is a very important concept and is cared for by polyamorous people. Agreements can be established within the couple, which may or may not imply freedom to have sex with other people. Or perhaps, what is established is that there are no more ties affective with other people, agreeing to be able to have sex “.
It’s funny, because when you go to the movies and meet someone who is polyamorous, you rarely come across any of these arguments. In the cinema they are still determined that they seem liberal or promiscuous relationships. As if sex was the only important thing in this whole story.