Loud, bombastic, accessible and mandatory. This is how it seems to characterize orgasm when positioned more as a mandate that as a sensation that varies according to an immense amount of factors.
This mass of generalized information and many times far from reality, logically, generates negative effects, false expectations and frustration.
“Your orgasm varies in intensity and quality depending on the day of the menstrual cycle you are on, the person you are with, the sex toy you use, the way you move your hands or just how you feel on that day. The female mood is conditioned by hormones, that is why women are hormone-dependent, in contrast to men, who do not present major hormonal changes, “explained the psychologist and sexologist. Mariana kersz (@ lic.marianakersz).
In the same line, Analía Pereyra (@licenciadaanaliapereyra), sexologist and sexuality educator, added: “Each orgasm is unique, and each woman feels it in her own way. We also have to add that in each circumstance it tends to feel different, for example, in an occasion of self-stimulation it tends to feel different from an encounter with the couple and in each encounter with the couple it also tends to feel different depending on the desire, the rush, the desire, the fatigue or the schedule “.
Each orgasmic sensation is unique and each woman feels it differently. Photo: Shutterstock
The influence that is exerted from the outside, then, generates an evident impact. “The more you push yourself to have that orgasm, the one your friend told you, the one they told you you should have, the one you read in a fashion magazine in a waiting room or the one you saw in a porn movie, full of screaming , eyes rolling, legs shaking and vulvas ejaculating miles away, the further away you’ll be, “Kersz said.
Pereyra, meanwhile, agreed on this coercion: “The mainstream porn it shows models of orgasms, in which women –and therefore men- believe that this is the way it should be. They have noisy and endless characteristics, but there it acts, is interpreted. There are women who feel pleasure in a silent way, there are moments that are more instantaneous and others that are longer, there are orgasms that flood with sensations and others that pass as in passing. Each orgasmic sensation is unique and each woman feels it differently. “
I already said it Melanie Tobal, advertising and host of the podcast Finish (Spotify), in an interview with Clarín: “In men, this very pornographic idea of ’I have to get him an orgasm’, and if I don’t get an orgasm with screaming and all the paraphernalia, I’m not man enough. It seems that sexuality is not a checklist or a porn video or a Juliana kit, you have to get rid of the imposition and change the narratives. “
¿There is a correct way to reach the happy destiny of orgasm? One of the guidelines that serve as a map to find the route whose end point is pleasure is, according to the psychologist and sexologist Cecilia Ce, take your hand to the vulva.
“Did you see that generally men have a direct connection to their penis and have their hand there a lot? Women, on the other hand, we have no idea what’s going on down there and we don’t have a mental scheme about our own genitality. This is it. has a great impact when it comes to connecting with sensations and pleasure “, he warns in his book Carnival a lifetime (Planet). I kept reading his “7 steps to orgasm”.
“All women are potentially multi-orgasmic“, sentenced Kersz. However, he clarified that this” is not a marathon of orgasms, but a process of enjoyment with oneself.
In that sense, he recommended a series of tips:
- In principle, practice alone.
- Once you have achieved a first orgasm, continue to stimulate the clitoris.
- If you feel a little pain, do not directly stimulate the area. Surround it, but stay where all that pleasure is to be able to arrive without difficulties again.
Any woman can be multi-orgasmic. Photo: Shutterstock
“Anorgasmia is the difficulty of reaching orgasm, can be occasional (ever happened) or forever (women who have not felt it in their entire sexual life). It is very common in people who cannot connect with their sensations, with their body, with their pleasure, “said Pereyra. This can be overcome with sex therapy.
There are several factors that can trigger this disorder. “Women who have received a very restrictive sex ed they often have difficulties of this type, since they have not been able to get to know each other, explore each other and then let go to enjoy an orgasmic sensation “.
The specialist mentioned that it can also occur in personalities with very obsessive features that “they always want to have everything under control, which prevents them from feeling orgasms, since this feeling of maximum pleasure implies losing it, even for a few moments”.
Finally, Pereyra stressed that “the model of coitocentric sexual relationship it is usually a trigger for a lack of orgasm in women, since they need clitoral stimulation to feel pleasure and also time to achieve maximum arousal “.
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