Anyone who is rejected for a job quickly concludes: I’m not good enough, while that doesn’t have to be the case at all. Four reasons why you shouldn’t take rejection personally, and how best to deal with it.
1 An application procedure is not an objective competition
Letter, resume, interview: we tend to think that an application process is a fair process. The best person, who simply meets all the requirements, is chosen. But we have to adjust that image, believes Jolet Plomp, occupational psychologist and author of various books about work. “You have a little bit of influence over something small. Of course you choose what you do or don’t apply for, and for a programming job you must be able to demonstrate that you can program. But the role of chance is bigger than people think.”
Subjective, psychological factors influence our judgment of others, consciously or not. Plomp: “People tend to hire someone they understand, in whom they recognize something of themselves. If someone has interviewed you who made a relaxed impression, they may just think you are stiff.”
Among the many examples of bias contrast bias (you are compared to someone who came immediately before or after you), nonverbal bias (your body language outweighs what you say or your experience), affinity bias (we are allowed to talk, act, and look like ourselves). Discrimination on the basis of origin, gender or age is often the result.
Still, many applicants want to point out a clear cause after a rejection. Plomp: “The need to find an explanation for everything is deep within us. It has taken humanity far, but it makes us more unhappy. Those who are vulnerable will blame themselves: ‘You see, they don’t want me, because I’m not good enough.’”
2The company hardly knows you, even after a conversation
The classic method of selection based on CV and letter is not the best way to hire someone, admits Jesse Geul, application expert at 21 Jobs and recruitment consultant. “You would prefer to speak to or test everyone in person. But that won’t work. This remains the easiest and most efficient for an employer.”
But an employer does not get a complete picture of the applicant in this way. And that also offers comfort: “I explain to people who struggle with a rejection: they don’t know you. A letter, resume or short conversation does not necessarily say who you are, or what you are capable of. The trick is to keep in mind that you know yourself much better than the other,” says Geul.
3 If you take it personally, you learn nothing
Applicants who are not invited for an interview are more likely to take it personally, Geul observes: “Their CV is their track record. If they are rejected based on that, they feel insulted. But maybe your resume is unclear, or your previous employer doesn’t have as good a reputation as you thought. If you lock the door by making it personal, you learn nothing.”
According to Plomp, it helps to create a clear picture of what you can do: “If you already think that you are no good, it is difficult to process a rejection. With a realistic self-image you know what you are worth.”
Applying for a job means navigating, says the occupational psychologist, between great self-confidence and slight disinterest: “During an interview you have to sit there as if you already have the job. It takes surrender. Later, in case you don’t get the job, you’ll have to scale back. People who apply a lot get better at this, they remain a bit laconic about the process.”
4 There is simply no match
“If you go on a date, and you don’t really like the other person, it makes little sense to go for a relationship.” Mara Moberg, recruiter at health app Quin, just wants to say: a rejection is not only a matter of the applicant party. Sometimes there just isn’t a match. “A rejection suggests that you as a candidate have done something wrong. But if you don’t fit into the team, you wouldn’t want to work there either. That way, a rejection also protects you.”
Moberg advises applicants not to blindly go for a job: “Candidates must continue to look critically at a position. Is this really what you want? And what do you think of the manager, or of the corporate culture?”
Other times, a candidate lacks the minimum of experience. For example, Jesse Geul is currently recruiting new public prosecutors at the Public Prosecution Service. Such vacancies are very popular. “A hundred people can respond. In the first instance, we look at who exactly meets the requirements. That means you can lose weight while potentially being a very good candidate.”
Moberg advises calling after a rejection to inquire: “Ask for an explanation, if it wasn’t clear already. That way you can live with it better. Anyone who is rejected ten times and does not know why, will naturally doubt themselves.”
According to Geul, nabbing is also a must: “Many applicants never do it, out of uncertainty. You have to get over that, sorry. If you ask a bit on the phone, you may learn exactly what experience you are missing, or you can see how others read your resume. In addition, you make a useful connection. If you are rejected for an interview and another candidate cancels last minute, you are at the top of the shortlist.”
A version of this article also appeared in the newspaper of June 23, 2022
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