Broken hearts in adolescence provide the experience of romantic love that young people will need to have healthy and satisfying relationships as adults. For a teenager, the first love disappointments can become a world and the support of their parents can help them manage the emotional situation that is triggered by the experiences of heartbreak. “Adolescents acquire deep learning when they make their first steps in love relationships and also when they suffer disappointments, since the first relationships are characterized by a strong idealizing component that will be modulated throughout life until they find a choice of tighter and more satisfactory couple, ”explains Gonzalo De Casso, psychologist at the Knots Center.
The paper of the parents
One of the keys to helping adolescents in their love and heartbreak is that they accept that they “have their own life and make their own decisions, in which, sometimes, they make mistakes and do not realize it until they experience it. by himself, as has happened to his own parents throughout his life. It is convenient that parents give their opinion and offer their experience, but without excessive interventionism and avoiding covering the wound before it occurs so that our child does not feel incapable and frustrated, ”says De Casso.
The parents of an adolescent who lives in a situation of heartbreak “can contribute a certain sense to help their son take a certain perspective and that these intense emotions are accompanied by a certain elaboration that helps him take precautions in the heat of love and relativize the situation from the sinking of the first love. The goal, as in all griefs, is for our son to work out the loss by going through different phases, such as denial, anger and sadness, to finally accept the loss and renew his desire for new love encounters. The adolescent grief in love does not have to be as prolonged as that of adults and if we see that it persists for more than six months, we can consider offering psychological help to our son ”, adds the psychologist.
Falling in love, a challenge for the adolescent’s heart
Falling in love is a powerful experience and “adolescence is the stage of intense emotions, experiences and beliefs. Black and white thinking is typical; the absolute convictions, the eternal friendships and the loves with total dedication; dramatic and passionate. The experiences of heartbreak, disappointments; broken hearts are lived the same way. Everything tends to the drama; all is important. It is difficult for the adolescent to relativize and they do not have enough experience to know firsthand that everything happens and can be overcome, “he says. Tristana Suárez, Gestalt psychologist and therapist.
Falling in love is a risky sport because “it involves a great exposure; the heart opens to love and at the same time to pain. It is not something that can be controlled at will. The tendency to idealize the other is remarkable, it can almost be said that we invent the other person as we need him to be. In reality, falling in love is more a projection of one’s own needs than a real encounter between two people. For this reason, when it ends it is so painful, because it falls from very high and the own deficiencies are again in the void, ”explains Suárez.
The rejection of love for an adolescent supposes “the passage of the relationship with the group to a greater level of intimacy and commitment, which requires a minimum of maturity and also strength. The ability to seduce and like is proven, but it is also more exposed than ever to rejection and potential abandonment. When this happens and the lover is not reciprocated, childhood wounds reopen, fears about their own worth are confirmed and feelings of shame, guilt or fear may appear ”, adds Tristana Suárez.
Grief over the loss of a love in young people and how to help them
There are many types of grief in life and heartbreak is one of them. “The adolescent goes through the stages of loss and assuming it little by little. That is why it is so difficult to help from the outside. Many times, we only have the role of companions on the road. Listen without judgment or advice, share our own experiences on the matter, be available and receptive, but without invading, serve as a shoulder for crying and rumination, because they give a thousand times to the same situations or watch movies and read books about heartbreak that serve for relief and conversation. The broken heart heals with time and love. Friends become essential, supports serve to let go and say goodbye to what could not have been and to open our eyes to the next thing that may come ”, concludes the psychologist Tristana Suárez.