Even if the child eats almost nothing, he or she should not be tantalized or especially forced. Fortunately, there are also softer ways, says child psychiatrist Janna Rantala.
The article is part of a series of stories in which child psychiatrist Janna Rantala answers questions from readers. He writes his answers on a general level without knowing the reader’s situation in more detail.
“What can I do when a primary school child refuses to eat? He is picky and doesn’t eat decent food properly. If I try to discuss it or offer him more food, he gets angry and doesn’t listen. He should not be eaten by grooming, nor should a child be forced. He also seems to avoid eating treats these days. It’s scary that he’s already trying to lose weight at a young age. What to do?”
Child psychiatrist Janna Rantala corresponds to:
it is quirky – and a familiar situation in many families. A turmoil of anxiety, fear and anger easily arises around eating, which fortunately can be unleashed in many different ways.
Forcing is not really worth it! The relationship with food is built from the baby. It is important for a child to reach out to the sensations of his or her body – for example, hunger, satiety and flutter – and to be guided by these to regulate their own eating. Grounding or outright coercion to eat will interfere with this development.
Our growth environment has a huge impact on attitudes even as an adult. The word “picky” you use is usually negative in meaning: picky is ungrateful, awkward.
In times of scarcity, such an interpretation may have seemed justified. In more abundant times, however, selectivity is a perfectly sensible solution. A child cannot be expected to select decent food when more is available.
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Even surprisingly small amounts of food will suffice for a few months, so it’s time to think about the next steps.
On the other hand, something should be eaten now, however. It’s distressing to think that your own child is starving themselves. A parent’s concern is increased if the child’s behavior doesn’t seem to make sense or he or she refuses to talk.
Panic solutions usually exacerbate the situation and increase the child’s resistance. Therefore, I would start with the facts and try to outline whether the food eaten by the child is sufficient in quantity and quality to secure growth.
Even surprisingly small amounts of food will suffice for a few months, leaving time to think about the next steps. You can get help with the assessment from the school nurse or possibly the municipality’s nutrition adviser. Weight and calorie intake alone should not be monitored but the overall well-being of the child should be assessed together.
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Sometimes there are battles through food that would be more comfortable to handle in other walks of life.
Second I would persevere in trying to get an idea of the child’s goals. What is the idea of selective eating? Is he really trying to lose weight?
The discussion should not take place at the dinner table but in other situations. There may be problems with sensory regulation in the background, in which case certain types of food, for example, feel bad in the mouth. In addition, if a child has challenges with emotional regulation, a broader assessment may be needed.
Sometimes there are battles through food that would be more comfortable to handle in other walks of life. The child’s body becomes, as it were, a battle arena for setting one’s own boundaries, for the right to self-determination.
If you suspect there is such a feature in your relationship, you may want to relax and give your child more space, even outside of meals. You can open a discussion, for example, by asking if he or she thinks you can make enough decisions.
The story is published in HS Our Family issue 5/22. HS Our Family is a magazine specializing in parenting and upbringing, edited by HS.
Read more: A picky child can cope with a surprisingly small selection of food, says the expert – “Pickiness asks parents to persevere”
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