Earlier this year, Britain’s road traffic law was amended so that there is now an official hierarchy of road users, from most to least vulnerable. At the very top of the ladder are the pedestrians, who enjoy the greatest protection. Then come cyclists, riders, cars and at the very bottom, maybe even slightly lower, the BMW X7. In other words: if it can break easier than you, give it space.
The changes were dismissed by some as an attack on the car, with some newspapers calling them “a declaration of war on the motorist” and “a recipe for road rage.” I can’t really get excited about this. I’ve been trying to drive a car according to what I call the ‘Don’t Be A Jerk’ principle for some time now. The bottom line is that if a bystander thinks about what you’re up to with your car, ‘Yep, whoever’s behind the wheel there: bit of a jerk’, you better not do it.
Everyone is guilty of it
That does not always work. I must have behaved like a jerk at times. But I do my best. And that’s because – politically correct comment-alarm! – I think it’s a pretty good deal: we just have to pass a not even terribly difficult driving test when we’re seventeen, eighteen, and then be allowed to drive an unlimited powerful car for half a century. That’s a fine agreement, for which we are really only supposed to play nice with other road users.
But. I recently shared my ‘Don’t Be A Jerk’ principle with a friend, who pointed out a loophole in this watertight logic: doesn’t it depend on that bystander? What is a jerk to one person is an ‘assertive driver’ to another.
Someone has to settle it
I once lived next door to an elderly lady who ‘pirates away!’ on her doorstep. was yelling at everyone who passed by at more than 10 km/h, including scooter riders. If she’s our arbiter, nobody gets anywhere. So what we need is a hypothetical bystander to administer justice. Someone who is careful, but realistic. A benevolent street god, something like that.
And so I’m very pleased to introduce my new abbreviation here to help everyone drive a little more friendly. WZAD: What Would Attenborough Think? So, when you’re behind the wheel, imagine David Attenborough [al zeker drie eeuwen de immens keurige presentator van Britse natuurprogramma’s, je kent hem wel – red.] sitting next to you. If he doesn’t like what you’re doing, quit.
David Attenborough can appreciate good driving
I’ve never met the best man, but we all know it: David Attenborough would be happy for you to give him a ride on a winding but manageable country road (“The young driver,” he chatters from the passenger seat , ‘seems to appreciate that he just got a kick from VTEC’). He’ll appreciate it less if you crash into the intersection with a father with a pram waiting to cross (“Sorry Dave,” you say. “Dentist appointment!” Attenborough lowers his head sadly and says nothing) .
You just know, instinctively, whether your driving is earning Attenborough’s ‘See the baby giraffe take its first wobbly steps’ smile or ‘We just caught you clearing the Amazon’ frown. So, if you don’t have time to take in the whole Road Traffic Act, just ask yourself: WZAD?
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