Oct 31, 2022 09:58
Almost all parents want their children to behave well and be happy. The dilemma is that sometimes the task seems impossible. Children change day by day and from year to year.
Their needs, as well as the needs and capabilities of parents, change over time, and therefore the demands placed on all parents and the resources available to them to meet those demands are in a state of constant change, especially in periods when stress, anxiety and depression among children and adults spread for multiple reasons, whether common or individual, according to a report published by “Psychology Today”.
Although the methods of upbringing, upbringing, and parenting are constantly evolving, there are three pillars dating back to the last century that have not changed and have retained the same consensus by research on the family, which are as follows:
• Effective parenting balances warmth and demand
• Good education is not forced
• Children are more likely to follow rules they think are fair and legitimate
Balance between warmth and demanding
Parenting style refers to the general atmosphere that parents use to gain the cooperation of their children. Effective parenting adapts to the child – we don’t raise our two-year-old like we do when he turns 12. Effective parenting also helps a child adapt to the needs of others. Happy and successful children cooperate with others and behave differently in class than on the playground.
The most commonly used descriptions of parenting style combine two primary dimensions:
1. Warmth or support refers to a child’s feeling that parenting is there for them. It can be formulated in other summarized terms is “unconditional love”, if the child knows that his parents love him for himself and will support him and protect him from harm. Absolutely all scientific studies, on every continent and in every culture, show that children do best when they feel unconditionally loved.
2. The prompts are a more complex construct, referring to the idea that parents have expectations for the child’s behavior that they are constantly teaching or reinforcing. It must be noted that the request means that parents know and pass on the standards to the child and they impose them, they make it clear to the child when they are doing well and when they are not.
Trusted parents are supportive and demanding. They tend to have self-confident children who are loved by their peers and adults who do well in school and don’t have many problems. Permissive parents have high warmth, but low demand. They want their children to act but do not effectively teach them to act or enforce good behaviour. In contrast, authoritarian parents are high in demand but low in support.
Their children tend to comply with the rules but have less self-confidence and are more likely to develop depression.
Interestingly, children describe their trusting parents as the most supportive. Although they don’t always like their rules, they see rules as a sign that their parents are doing their job and that their parents care about them. Authoritative parents are more supportive than permissive ones. It is common for permissive parents to break up somewhat. They also want their children to behave well, but because they are not working effectively to achieve this, they can become upset or angry when their children do not follow appropriate rules and behavior.
Likewise, authoritative parents set somewhat fewer rules than authoritarian families, but are actually stricter, because they enforce the rules they set.
Experts conclude that children are more likely to follow the rules if:
• Clearly communicate what it is
• Leave space for children to know when to follow them and when not to follow them
• Making sure they know that parents love them no matter what.
Good education is not forced
The third dimension used to describe parenting style is granting autonomy, because granting self-control is the other side of coercive methods. Although this trend has been studied since the 1930s and has been studied in relation to parenting style since the 1960s, researcher Brian Barber has already brought to light this idea through his work on forced parenting.
Coercive parents try to control their children by manipulating a child’s sense of self. There are several ways that parents commit, and all of them are wrong and negative, such as:
• “If you really love me, you will do as I say.”
• “Good boys don’t act like that.”
• “If you do it again, I won’t love you.”
Guilt induction is common among parents who exercise coercion. There are also many subtle ways that parents’ approval, love, and positive respect are conditional on behaving in a certain way. Each can be defined as a forced parenting style.
In coercive parenting methods, the entitlement to love or the child to be a good person is tied to compliance with the parents. But in fact, coercive parenting is a process of manipulation, and it is not surprising that children who suffer from coercive parenting tend to feel bad about themselves, even when they seem fine.
Effective fatherhood is legal and limited
Authoritative parents are strict, but set fewer rules than authoritarian parents. Their rules are more targeted and enforced more consistently. Specifically, effective authoritative parents tend to exercise legitimate authority.
Almost all children believe that parents should set rules that keep them safe (don’t play with matches!), help them be better, more moral (don’t hit your sister!), and teach them to adapt to the big culture (dress appropriately!). Children see rule-making in these areas – prudential, ethical, and traditional – as part of their parents’ work, the so-called “legitimate authority” spaces.
Children (and their parents) often do not believe that parents have the right to control purely personal areas of children’s lives: their favorite color, who their friends are, or what they do during playtime at a park or club.
Interestingly enough, setting legitimate rules makes children more likely to listen to and obey their parents. This approach has many long-term benefits. Children are also more likely to agree with their parents when they make legitimate rules, so parents don’t have to constantly argue and debate about an issue because parents and their children, especially teenagers, have an area of mutual understanding and trust.
Source: agencies
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