As an office expert, I never thought I’d ever have to write this column. But with a new, threatening lockdown over our heads, the umpteenth tightened home working advice and a long Christmas holiday with the children at home ahead, I fear that it will have to come to pass: a characterization of all possible types of working from home that are emerging, or have already formed. What type are you?
1. The type that never wants to go back to the office. Has been working from home since March 2020, has never been back when I was allowed to and loves it. Or wait: has been back once, but was so exhausted from all the stimuli that he has stayed at home ever since. He does miss his colleagues, but he breathed a sigh of relief when the new stricter home working advice was announced.
Relax at home. Can focus on work for the first time in his career and can’t believe how he ever managed to go to the office five days a week.
Skip the small talk and get straight to the point. Knows how to find everyone online flawlessly. The biggest problem with working from home is that his socks wear out so quickly, but is a fan of the ‘bra-less days’.
Made it cozy in the workplace – tea, chocolate, blanket, panther leggings/joggers. Has grown together with the cat and the kitchen chair and has gained 9 kilos since the corona crisis.
Finishes work every day at 1 pm because he is no longer distracted, continues to do odd jobs around the house and has taken up a new hobby – allotment garden, coloring pages, photography, puzzles. Does voluntary work for lonely elderly people in the neighborhood and his political party – by the way, that often corresponds. Has started a parcel service for the neighbors.
2. The work-from-home type that has had fun with it. Used to hate working from home but has now renovated his house, professionalized it and is starting to see the benefits of it more and more. Notices that it was hard to travel every day and never flirted with his colleagues anyway.
Has built a coffee corner in his living room with a seat, a whopper of a coffee machine and passive aggressive notes with ‘the cups don’t wash off by themselves’.
Every morning he puts on his suit with tie and shoes, has hung up a whiteboard in the kitchen, makes croquettes at lunchtime in the airfryer “for the company canteen vibe”, and scrums with his children. Let them make copies, buy post-its, stand-up and have them taught words such as ‘professional development’ and ‘monitoring the process’. The eldest is now doing an internship at home, the youngest is working on the extension. Meeting in the woods. Then the dog can go right away.
3. The type who is unhappy at home. Hate working from home. Gets lonely and sad. “Alone again in that cold attic, again at that folding table under the stairs.”
Was just blossoming when he was ‘allowed’ again and collapsed when “that was taken away from him again”, as he calls it. Is mellow now, despondent, total gloom, here we go again.
Doesn’t like his job when it’s not in the office. Loses the overview, has Zoom meetings all day with no breaks in between, misses half of his colleagues and does not know the other half. Has to zoom on the balcony because his partner has to work from home too. Is broken every day. Has a onesie on, thick socks and a blanket. It is nevertheless cold, so cold, never gets warm again. Hopefully at least the gym will remain open. Fools himself that it’s only for three weeks.
4. The type who refuses to work from home. Didn’t go home when he had to, worked in the office throughout the corona crisis and is now illegally there. Bribed the doorman and hopes no one finds out. Believes in office. Loves it. From the slats, from the variety, from the bustle, the hassle, from the printers, from the drinks and deep dives. Occasionally sleeps there at night.
Has four children who are home every day at 1 pm. Has no space for a study. Can’t concentrate at home anyway. Must be taken from the office in a straitjacket.
5. The I-can’t-work-home-stupid hat-because-I-work-in-education-retail-the catering-public-transport-at-the-police-or-in-healthcare-type. Laughs out loud at home workers and their pathetic problems.
6. The type that rents office space themselves. Going crazy at home and has now taken action. Rents a place in a multi-tenant building and has now gained a whole new set of colleagues. His job has never been so much fun. Because he occasionally meets with them and learns about all kinds of new sectors and companies. Occasionally takes a file from them and now scrums cross-sector. Pray for schools to remain open but again assume that we will all have to stay home again until March. Will emigrate if there is a complete lockdown again.
How was your week? Tips for Japke-d. Bouma through @Japked on Twitter.
These were the Pearls of the week on Twitter
This one is really for @Japked: what the hell is the topcoat team… https://t.co/dGiFtwt1ju
— Erik Riemens (@Rieenserik) Nov 20, 2021
Someone just spoke the words at a meeting in the House of Representatives: “I’m just looking around non-verbally.” I’ve been thinking about that for a while now.
— Auke van Eijsden (@AukevanEijsden) Nov 23, 2021
mood. pic.twitter.com/k3OK6nbOzm
— Rob Ester (@esterrob) Nov 15, 2021
A version of this article also appeared in NRC in the morning of November 24, 2021
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