Of all the months of the year, it is possible that December is the one that accumulates the most commitments. The old and immovable Christmas traditions are joined by new toasts and chinchines to celebrate that, at least, we are alive and can meet together. And among all these events there is one marked on the calendar of every employee: the company’s Christmas lunch or dinner. Halfway between leisure and business, the corporate tinsel dinner has become an unavoidable event for many workers who, despite having no desire, feel obliged to attend.
On social networks, a reflection of the society in which we live, more and more voices appear against these company events that, despite not being obligatory by contract, can have negative consequences in the already loaded work environment. . At the end of 2022, a user of of work that I said I would go to?”, the user asked, without too many followers, to the void of the social network. It received more than 800 responses. They recommended that she say that she had tested positive for Covid, that she just had a friend visiting, or that she allude to “renal colic, it comes without warning, it is unpredictable and it also leaves quickly, the next day you are so panchi.” There were others who recommended that the user be honest: “I literally said that I was not going to go because I don’t feel like it, that I already see them eight hours a day and that is enough for me.” And others, suck it up and learn the lesson for next year, with the tagline “in the end, I’m sure you’ll have a good time” or “it’s just one day.” Opinions divided.
Why do we feel obligated to attend a company dinner? Or, in other words, why is it so hard for us to say no? “In the case of company dinners, the following situation occurs: as it is a group of people with whom we share a group bond, the fact that they count on us implies the activation of the feeling of belonging,” he explains to EL PAÍS. Violeta Alcocer, clinical psychologist and director of the Hortaleza 73 center in Madrid, “and that invitation to belong is powerful, as well as beneficial in general terms, but the problem is when someone counts on us for something that we do not want to be part of. In this case, we have a dilemma, because if all those people give us a place in the group, we feel the obligation to reciprocate by taking our place.”
Although the feeling of belonging is not the only reason why we end up with a tinsel necklace next to our boss, as pointed out Cristina Gutiérrez Campos, coach executive and trainer in areas such as leadership or effective communication applied to business, since the fear of suffering negative consequences at work also influences. “Although there should not be a penalty for declining an invitation to a business lunch or dinner, it is true that there may be a negative perception from colleagues, teams or superiors if it occurs constantly. As a member of a group it could be seen as a lack of commitment to the team,” he explains to this newspaper. And he adds: “Although there is a right to establish personal limits as a professional belonging to a team, it is advisable that one measure the consequences of not attending said events.”
Despite the initial laziness or reluctance to dedicate more free time to things related to work, psychologist Violeta Alcocer points out that these dinners can also serve “to cultivate curiosity”: “Launch into a plan that a priori We don’t feel like it, prejudices aside, it can result in a very fun night. Along the same lines, we can have the opportunity to discover facets of our colleagues that may surprise us.” Of the same opinion is the coach Gutiérrez Campos, who lists a series of advantages that attending that lunch or dinner can bring us: “Relating with colleagues, teams and superiors, promoting networking and consolidate relationships not only with the most direct people with whom one works, but also with other departments, which can facilitate better connections when getting work done between interconnected departments. Going in the same way encourages showing that pride of belonging to the organization to which you belong and soaking up learning more about the company and its operation.”
Knowing all this, perhaps we don’t care. Because what we really want is to have dinner with our friends, pet the cat or lounge on the couch to watch a Netflix series and not hang out with Manolo from accounting with two too many drinks. Good. You can always say no. Regarding whether it is better to be honest or be inventive, the psychologist says that it will depend on each case: “It will depend on the value that each company gives to the event, whether it is something very personalized or more anonymous. And also the personal skills we have to handle the matter.” In general, Alcocer points out that sincerity is always better, but presented with respect and valuing the other: “The call sandwich technique can be useful in these cases. It consists of presenting the negative message between two positive messages.” That is, start with “thank you so much for inviting me”, followed by the excuse, and add “but the next day I promise to bring some buns for breakfast and tell me how your night went”.
For its part, the coach He believes that to say no it is essential to work on assertiveness: “It consists of achieving my goal at the lowest possible emotional cost for both the other and for myself and maintaining relationships.” Depending on the relationship you have with your teammates or superiors, Gutiérrez Campos recommends giving a more or less detailed reason: “My recommendation is to always thank you for the invitation and decide, depending on the relationship, to give more or less detailed reasons. that we consider according to our professional environment.”
And if we have no choice but to go, what can we do so that that night does not make us anxious?
The worst possible scenario has come true: we haven’t made a good excuse, they have changed the day so we can go, or we have succumbed to the pressure when all our colleagues have given us cold looks during the coffee break. And now that? “We can try to find an alliance with someone we trust who gives us security and who knows about our reluctance,” psychologist Violeta Alcocer begins by recommending, “and put it in perspective: ‘What is the worst that can happen?’ It’s one dinner a year, it’s not that important.”
Cristina Gutiérrez Campos recommends maintaining a positive attitude, “with the mentality that you are going to have a good time”: “Be open to meeting other people and showing interest.” The coach He also recommends moderation when it comes to drinking, hanging out with the groups you feel most comfortable with, and “remembering that this is a new situation for many others, so it is normal to feel some nerves.” And at twelve, like Cinderella, we can return home.
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