Reconciliation with family members or doing pending tasks are included as tasks that facilitate the “good death or good life”
The coordinator of the Emergency Work Group of the Official College of Psychology of the Region of Murcia, M. Eulalia Caballero, has released a series of recommendations to cope with the mourning for recently deceased people and the feeling of loss that may emerge on dates like the commemoration of All Saints.
This psychologist has pointed out that grief is a process through which “we will inevitably go through our lives.” Depending on each person and the degree of emotional affection he had with the other person, he explains that grief “can vary from one way to another.”
In this sense, Caballero clarifies that the symptoms of grief can be very varied, from physical to emotional, such as denial, depression, anxiety, sadness, fear, guilt, emotional shock, lack of concentration, longing or isolation, among others.
As for what can be done in these circumstances, including the date of the celebration of All Saints, this psychologist advises, for example, to participate in rituals. And it is that the memorials, funerals and other traditions “help people to meet during the first days to honor the person who died”, according to this psychologist, who explains that the simple presence of other people who appreciated your loved one ” It can be comforting.
In the same way, he has advised expressing and releasing emotions. Don’t hold back crying if you feel like you are about to cry; don’t worry if listening to certain songs or doing certain things is painful because it brings back memories of the person you lost ”, according to Caballero, who clarifies that it is“ normal ”to feel that and affirms that, after a while, it will be less painful.
She has also urged to speak up when possible, because some people do well to tell the story of their loss or talk about their feelings. However, he acknowledges that sometimes a person does not feel like talking about the loss of a loved one and that “is also completely normal”, so that “no one should feel pressured to speak up.”
Caballero has also called for preserving memories as a strategy to face these dates, creating, for example, a memorial or a tribute to the person who died by planting a tree or preparing a garden. “Or honor that person in a way that you deem appropriate, such as participating in a charity walk or run; and visit the cemetery if you feel like it ». Another of the strategies that can be useful to cope with grief is, according to this psychologist, joining a support group.
Elderly who face this date alone
This psychologist recalled that, in our Judeo-Christian culture, death “has been considered as something painful, which is why it has been denied, thus becoming a taboo subject that is definitely not talked about, and on these anniversary dates of Todos los Santos, it seems that tradition obliges us to do so, taking time for this purpose ».
Caballero has referred to the specific case of older people who may be going through such common and crucial moments such as illness, death and grief due to the loss of loved ones. In these cases, and also in general, he considers “crucial” a “preparation towards the acceptance of what is part of life, death, as something natural, to face this process from calm and peace.”
In his opinion, it is “essential” to be able to assent to this stage “without negative emotions such as fear, rage, helplessness, anger or rage.” In this regard, he has clarified that acceptance “will help to reduce in this way the pain inherent to beliefs that do not stop interfering in that unease that loss and death mean in our Judeo-Christian culture.”
For “a good death or a good life” -something to which we are all subject-, Caballero explains that “a personal preparation is required by eliminating those unpleasant emotions that usually appear in a situation of terminal illness, loss or loneliness when facing the proximity of death. What can help at this time, according to Caballero, is “the possibility of going through these emotions and working them out”, since this “will allow us to accept our own death in a peaceful way.”
Reconciliation with family members and / or carrying out pending tasks are included as previous tasks that facilitate the “good death or good life” of the person, the sick or the elderly, according to this psychologist, who explains that the accompaniment of the loved one who carried out by family and friends “it is essential to gradually integrate the proximity of loss or live well.”
When asked if psychologists perceive other incidents among the population related to these dates and the mourning, Caballero pointed out that it can be seen in the general population that the tradition of Todos los Santos «is being lost due to the establishment of new more recent celebrations such as the Halloween party.
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