León, Guanajuato.- Childhood is destiny? How true is this? Mario Guerra is thanatologist, lecturer, business coach and psychotherapist, he shares how to deal with childhood traumas, those childhood experiences that often leave deep wounds that become scars that forever mark some paths of life.
Here we share some of their tips to overcome bitter drinks what can happen like uncontrollable factors for the healthy and delicate mind of a minor.
Parents or guardiansare the first people with whom a boy or girl or baby livesin theory it would be supposed that they are the ones who would provide the infant with love, care and protection, This is how love is conditioned to obedience and what is “correct” is preferred to what is good.
In life there are many moments that can become traumas in adult life and that do not allow us to be happy or move forward.Mario Guerra generally shares four of them that are among the most common and painful that exist.
What are some of the most common traumas and their effects?
Of course we cannot minimize Childhood trauma as serious as rape, physical assault, and directly traumatic abuse, because in this kind of casean intervention is required that would fall into a clinical diagnosis of PTSD or a Developmental Traumatic Disorder (DTD) and for this you must go directly with a professional.
The four traumatic experiences more common that Mario Guerra shares are some of the effects that daily life experiences with incompetent, sick, anxious or depressed parents cause in adult life.
4 traumas that prevent us from being happy:
The false “I”: From childhood we are taught that there are parts of us that are inappropriate, inadequate or unacceptable. As they are anger, sadness, to be able to make a claim or express a desire or need.
There is no guide to being an ideal parent or guardian, on some occasions they do not reflect that these expressions derive from internal emotional states that they have not taught us to express in another way and they try to silence or they do it to correct the children for fear of what they will say or for maintaining a position of power over the children.
The way parents do this is through a conditional acceptance based on using phrases like:
“Either you behave as I tell you or… I’m going to leave, I’m going to give you away, I’m not going to love you anymore, nobody is going to love you, you’ll look horrible and you’ll get a mark on your forehead that everyone will point to, you’ll Your hand is going to dry up, the devil is going to come to pull your feet, you make the little god cry, etc.” expressed Mario Guerra in the radio program of Martha Debayle, in the episode four traumas that prevent us from being happy.
The specialist comments that many of these demands are impossible to meet because they demand impossible things for a child like “perfection, submission and holiness.”
Then The boy or girl learns that being himself or herself is not right, that they must lock up those desires, disagreements and needs in the depths of their soul. and puts on a mask to be accepted and if possible loved.
Sos infants strive to be those sons or daughters that parents make them believe they need that they be so that they can love them completely and comply with their demands.
What effects does this cause in adult life?
By hiding our true personality, infants instinctively lose contact with true reality, they live with this feeling of being “discovered”.that that appearance or mask falls off and that people see them as they are, human beings with emotions and feelings.
In the words of the speaker Mario Guerra: “We are afraid that others will be disgusted by our presence as we feel our parents did at the time. We become the eternal complacent, those who never complain, those who do not get angry, but who deep down continue to store resentment, fear and resentment. express.
Imagine the “real Me” locked up for years, without seeing the light, without anyone listening to it, without anyone attending to the most basic needs. It is to lend oneself to be a true prisoner.
victimizing thought: This conduct will cause the boy or girl, when they become an adult, to be unable to take the course of their lives in their own hands.
You will not be responsible for taking charge of your own important decisions and if any of your actions go wrong, you will blame others such as their parents, friends, partner and siblings or external agents such as luck, karma, the stars, etc.
While you can’t choose not to be hurt as a child, growing up you have the ability to choose, at least the way you think and what to do with yourself. We continue to think of ourselves as victims because we have not dared to think differently.
“It is true that as children we did not have the power to change our circumstances and situation, but several years ago we stopped being those defenseless children,” Mario Guerra.
Passive Aggression: A dysfunctional family does not manage their emotions very well, especially anger.
What effects does this cause in adult life?
Rebellion against authority, applying the law of ice, having “accidental forgetfulness” of something you were asked to do, lack of cooperation and compliance with agreements, “accidents” such as damaging someone’s property indirectly because “anyone makes a mistake”.
This of course causes great anger and frustration in anyone associated with you.
Which according to Mario Guerra is “very good”. Because you don’t allow yourself to express anger, you project this onto others to express it for you.
Passivity:
As children, being neglected or emotionally abandoned by the first paternal or maternal images, infants learn to express or seek to satisfy their needs for abandonment and lack of love.
This causes an adult to abandon themselves physically and/or emotionally.
We know what we want, but we feel that we do not deserve it and, even if we are about to achieve it, “something will always get in the way” to prevent it.
“We tend to live under the “it doesn’t matter if they abuse me, I do it for love without expecting anything in return”. Others think that we have bad luck or that we don’t “give it a miss,” says Mario Guerra.
What to do in the face of these four most common types of traumas?
You can’t change the past, and if the “had” were of any use, surely thick books could be written, but this is not the case, one must observe it to learn to recognize it, name the emotions that you feel before what has happened and give a new meaning to those childhood memories.
Perhaps with some of these events you have to apply the “Hanlon Principle” or “Hanlon’s Razor” that holds: “Never attribute to evil what can be explained by stupidity.”
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Be that as it may, when the adult part arrives, it is time to become aware and take the reins of life to be able to take charge of seeking to heal these old childhood wounds that have become obstacles to happiness.
It is not easy or fast, of course, because there are no magic recipes or formulas. Therefore, if you have identified that perhaps you are not progressing because you have pain that you interpret as trauma, there is no time to lose to heal, repair or learn to relate in a healthier way and from a less vulnerable position than in the past.
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