Family | “I want to end my hobby”, the child sighs – Expert advises what to do then

The most important tools for a parent to support a child’s hobby are related to listening and flexibility, the expert says.

Katri Liljan the surface burned permanently at the age of 14 years. Lily had been playing the piano for seven years. During the lessons, the old school teacher had mostly listed Lilja’s mistakes.

While walking home from her last piano lesson, Lilja had to throw her music bag at Tammerkoski.

“After that, I didn’t talk for two days. When my mother then called my teacher and told me to stop, the teacher was annoyed and praised that I would have had such great hands playing the piano, ”Lilja says and laughs at the memory of the 40-year-old.

“A meaningful hobby gives me joy in life and feelings of competence, but they had disappeared from my piano lessons.”

Today, Lilja thinks about children every day. She works as an expert in the youth activities unit of the mental health organization Mieli ry and gives tips to parents whose children report the same as they once did: “I want to quit my hobby.”

First step is a stoppage.

“A parent should talk and listen to their child in a focused and peaceful environment, not by examination. You can follow the child’s answers, repeat them and ask for clarifications, because the child may not be able to express his or her feelings immediately, ”says Lilja.

There are various reasons why a child wants to quit their hobby. The child may feel that the hobby is taking too much time, or because another, more meaningful hobby is left out.

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As the hobby moves on to learning more demanding skills, the child may feel like he or she is falling off the cart.

During adolescence, the control of the body changes and, for example, in the hobby of music, re-learning the playing technique may be ahead.

The atmosphere during piano lessons or football training may have become sluggish, or perhaps something rubbing with a coach, teacher, or other children. The cause may also be related to the child’s tenderness.

“Now that many have taken a break from the hobby because of the corona, the child may feel as if he or she is starting the hobby again,” Lilja reminds.

Does the child feel that he can be himself in the exercises?

another working the tool is to think through the positive aspects of the hobby through questions.

For two years, Katri Lilja’s employer Mieli ry has been running the Young Mind in Sport project, which designs tools for coaches to strengthen the mental well-being of young athletes.

As part of the project, material will also be published for parents. It includes reflection tasks that a parent can go through with the child during a hobby trip.

For example, does the child feel that he or she can be himself or herself in the exercises? Does he feel good about training? Can he concentrate? Does he get encouragement and is asked about his wishes during the exercises?

“When my own children once came home from their hobbies, I simply asked them what it was like: not whether they were doing something or what they were learning, but what it was like,” Lilja says.

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“Especially in sports that go ahead or have competition, young people give their best in practice. After that, they won’t be able to go through everything again at home. ”

However, an interested parent should be. Professor of Music Education Marja-Leena Juntunen The Sibelius Academy of the University of the Arts Helsinki believes that parents’ encouragement – for example, following the progress of a child’s playing skills and attending performances – maintains the child’s motivation.

But what if motivation decreases despite all encouragement? Juntunen urges you to think about flexibility. Many parents of young children have a fresh memory of their own childhood playing hours, which were slavishly aimed at one degree.

“Educational institutions have since gained more freedom to decide on their own methods of operation, and the basics of the curriculum give room for maneuver,” says Juntunen.

“Let’s get away with having some software that everyone is playing.”

The repertoire can be customized according to the student’s wishes, and increasing the chances of playing together can motivate those who find it difficult to play traditional lessons based on individual instruction.

“And if the child has a harder phase at school, I encourage parents to ask the music teacher if the program could be lightened for a few weeks,” says Juntunen.

“It may be that the child doesn’t always dare to say it themselves, and that’s why it’s important for parents to be in touch with the teacher when needed.”

“Yes, it tells us if going to a hobby is always painful.”

Finally Katri Lilja gives a welcome reminder to her parents, who are swaying on the verge of encouragement and pressure: they will stop.

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“It can be agreed with a slightly older child whether to look at these three experiments first and then think about how many times there will be in the spring semester,” says Lilja.

“But yes, it tells us if going to a hobby is always painful. As a parent, I would be quite sensitive to it if it is constantly sticky. ”

Many parents can be worried if a child’s only hobby that includes exercise ends. However, instead of a guided hobby, the child can also enjoy other ways of exercising: school exercise classes, weekday walks, cycling or running, self-built tracks or indoor playgrounds. The most important thing is that exercise is a regular part of everyday life.

It is also good for parents to remember that the hobby is ultimately a child. Although the youngest children in particular need a hobby to find their parents ’help and the adult enables the hobby, the child is an actor, Lilja recalls.

“I used to continue my recorder hobby in the past, even though I missed playing the piano. And then when orienteering at the national team level took practically all my free time in high school, I stopped the recorder, ”Lilja recalls.

“The child in his hobby is the one who should have a sense of self-reliance.”

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