Eva Breda has learned to be bored: ‘In every empty agenda block I look for the noise of everyday life’
Our mental health has never been this bad. Experience expert Eva Breda, also a journalist for Libelle, investigates in her columns how this can be improved. This week: learning to be bored.
No one should get their hands on my phone. Not because of lewd apps or secret work emails. But because of that one report that comes in every Monday morning and stays on my home screen all week as a sharp reproach: ‘Last week your screen time averaged 4 hours and 13 minutes a day.’
I can blame it on my work, for which I am regularly on media, mail, and meeting apps. But I do know better. Endless, fruitless, I scroll along timelines. Endlessly, fruitlessly I listen to podcasts. Endlessly, fruitlessly I switch from WhatsApp, to Instagram, back to Instagram – oh yes, I just closed this app – back to WhatsApp.
Let your thoughts run wild
Boredom is good, my father used to say. But the truth is I’ve forgotten. On rainy Sunday afternoons, just hang out on the couch with your legs dangling and let your thoughts run wild… I don’t know how to do it anymore. In every empty agenda block I look for the noise of everyday life. I ask a friend to go to town, I’m going out with my boyfriend. And if no one can, I turn to Netflix, podcasts or social media.
Because we only start processing information and thinking at rest, many people suffer from worrying thoughts at that time
“Due to our increased prosperity and opportunities for pastime, there is always a way to avoid silence and boredom,” explains Iris van der Steen, millennial psychologist. For my generation, standing is uncomfortable. “You notice this at quiet moments, on vacation or before going to sleep, for example. Because we only start processing information and start thinking when we are resting, many people suffer from worrying thoughts at that time.”
Learning to process and tolerate emotions
I remember a moment on the bike. My phone had gone down – the horror – and I was at the mercy of my thoughts. The harder I pedaled, the stronger a melancholy feeling pulled me back to bad memories, to-do lists and an indefinable melancholy displeasure. Noise off, worry mode on. Friends recognized it en masse. ‘If I sit at home alone on a Friday night, I get gloomy,’ someone said. ‘I have the feeling that then I have to do something with my life. I don’t want to feel that way.’
When negative feelings come up, it means they were already there anyway
Perhaps the fomo generation is not only afraid of missing out on things that go on in the outside world, but also of having to be distracted by what goes on in the inside world. And that while being alone, being quiet, Netflix off, phone off, boredom on, is very healthy. The so-called ‘silent reflection’ ensures more creativity, more self-confidence, more happiness, more concentration, less tension, better sleep and more room for self-development. Because even if bad emotions arise, you learn to tolerate and process them.
See it as an opportunity
According to Van der Steen, you do not immediately have to go into isolation for a week to practice being alone. “You can choose to start with ten minutes of walking alone,” she advises. “When negative feelings come up, it means they were there anyway. See it as an opportunity to see what these thoughts are and why you have them. By just pushing the thoughts away, you keep them running around and negative emotions build up and worsen.”
So just walk up to that terrace full of friends alone and build it up. What started for me with walking alone for half an hour without a podcast, grew into a solo getaway in silent nature, filled with jomo (joy of missing out). Negative emotions did arise, but they also went away. Still, the phantom pain where my phone belonged sometimes became too strong, so I started scrolling anyway. Photos of partying friends, cozy cafes… Was being alone really such a good idea? Then my finger hangs on a text: ‘You are not by yourself, you are with yourself’† And now that I get to know her better, it’s actually quite nice.
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