well educatedAm I doing it right? Doubt sometimes strikes when it comes to parenting. Every week we present a problem, question or dilemma of parents to an expert. This time: mother Daniella (32) is concerned about the growing pains of her son (12) and wonders what she can do as a parent to support.
,,After physical exertion, such as gym class, he is in a lot of pain. When he comes home I see that he is literally walking on tiptoe, because it hurts too much to just put his feet down,” Daniëlla describes. The growing pains also affect his emotional system. Sometimes he wakes up crying. I also notice that after intensive days he sleeps a lot and only lies in bed,” said the mother. “He is also mentally ill. He just wants to do things and can’t do it like before. That’s frustrating for him.”
Daniella tries to support him as much as possible. ,,I show a lot of understanding when he is in pain. I then ask him if there is anything I can do for him.” On rough days she doubts what she is doing right. “I would prefer to call him sick at school at those moments or bring him to school myself.” She also wonders if she should protect him from herself every now and then. “When friends ask if he will come and play outside, I don’t know if he is able to indicate himself that he is not successful because he is in his growth spurt.”
Something that gives you attention grows. If you make it very big as a parent, it may be that the child will experience it even bigger
The effects of a growth spurt are not always taken seriously by the environment, sees Daniëlla. “It’s often like: don’t pretend. I also hear so few other parents talk about this, while I am probably not the only one who has this problem.” The mother has tried to contact his school to explain the situation. ,,I was looking for understanding from school for the growing pains. Unfortunately I have had no response.”
show empathy
Young boys can grow up to fourteen centimeters in a short period, says remedial educationalist Mariëlle Beckers. “That does something to your body both physically and mentally.”
Daniëlla is doing it well in principle, thinks Beckers. “It’s important to show empathy to your child at a time like this. To emphasize how annoying it is that it hurts so much.” But don’t make it too big either. “Something you give your attention grows. If you make it very big as a parent, it may be that the child will experience it even bigger. That doesn’t mean they don’t experience that physical pain, but it doesn’t always help to go along with it too much as a parent.”
How do you know if your child is experiencing growing pains? What are the symptoms and what is the cause? Parents of Nu explains it.
Keep moving
What you can do is see how you can optimize the situation for your child. Stretching can help with growing pains. As a parent, you can encourage your child to do this together every day, for example.” Beckers advises Daniëlla to contact the gym teacher in this case. ,,During gym, he can experience extra hindrance from his growing pains. It is caused, for example, by overload. Such a gym teacher can give him a less intensive task during those lessons. This way your son can continue to follow the lessons.”
In case of growing pains, it is in principle good to keep moving, she says. “It also distracts from the pain. If you don’t move at all, you’ll get muscle pain sooner if you do move again.” Keep an eye on whether something else is going on, she points out. “If it really takes too long, I would see a doctor.”
Difficult to measure
In practice, Beckers sees that in situations like this, something else is sometimes going on. ,,Then the child uses something physical, while there is actually something psychological going on. That doesn’t seem to be the case here per se, but in other situations it’s always important to take a good look at that as a parent.” To give an example: ,,I recently had a boy in the practice who had to be picked up by his parents from school because of a stomachache. But actually it turned out that he was being bullied.”
Anyway, growing pains exist and relatively little is known about them. “Of course you can’t measure it like a fever, that makes it so difficult to understand,” she knows. Calling in your child sick for growing pains is no problem at all, according to Beckers. But be careful not to do it too often. Otherwise there is a risk that children will abuse it if you, as a parent, call your child in sick too easily.”
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