The most stressful topics of qualification are parenting, writes Laura Kangasluoma in her column.
Laura Kangasluoma.
My question laughs at my friend who talks about motherhood in a some to thousands of people: “Just every day,” she replies when I wonder how often she gets messages from her followers that start with the words “forced to say”.
When he says he’s got new sneakers for his child, the stranger gets the message, “I have to say that barefoot shoes would be better.” Some of my friend’s post shows there are sausages on her child’s plate. “I have to say we don’t have a meal.”
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The qualifying pathway is open with the click of a finger, and there is intrusion.
To the world has always accommodated besserwissers, but the birth of social media has exacerbated their languages. The qualifying pathway is open with the click of a finger, and there is intrusion.
When parenting is selected as the subject of the qualification, the messages get their own special tone. Either they are upholstered in the best interests of the child (“you understand that the wrong kind of shoes WILL DESTROY YOUR CHILD’S FEET”) or glazed with emoticons and praise whose sole purpose is to prick (“it must be said that it is wonderful that you are so brave and gracious to yourself that day make your child home cooking ”).
According to a friend there are two types of senders. The first ones are those who have small children of their own, and for their communication needs, my friend has a theory.
The Internet has made all possible information about children readily available, and for many mothers in particular, parenting becomes a performance where there is a constant risk of failure if the information is not read. It is up to the parents to get acquainted with the different sleep schools, shoe models, car seats, hobbies and diets, and make a decision: these are what we will introduce.
“
“I have to say that our children always ate their plates empty without any complications.”
What remains is a bitter uncertainty as to whether the choice was the right one, and when somessa repeatedly encounters stories of others ’choices, a primitive desire arises to justify his own choice. It happens with one message: “I have to say …”
Another set of message senders, according to a friend, are women whose children are already adults. The senders of these messages light up when they get to tell how their generation did this (even) better. “I have to say that our children always ate their plates empty without any complications.”
Validity the need for nothing disappears, but I hope the quote I read years ago from a senior researcher at the Population Union From Anneli Miettinen ingrained in everyone’s mind:
“It rarely follows good when the faceless advise each other online.”
So the next time you feel compelled to say, think about whether you would say the same to someone standing next to you at the checkout. And even if you say, remember: still not forced.
The author is HS Our family producer. The column is published in issue 6/22 of HS Our Family. HS Our Family is a magazine focusing on parenting and upbringing, edited by HS.
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