Column | What if I threw myself on the shop floor and cried? By watching the children, I have learned an important lesson

You are in a grocery store shopping, when with a side eye you notice someone rushing to the baking station, taking a donut from the display case with their bare hands, hawking it and continuing on their way as if nothing had happened.

You would find the situation unusual, perhaps even unpleasant, if this stranger were an adult. But when I tell you that the donut hawk was my one and a half year old, you’ll probably laugh.

Such a hassle while watching, I amused myself by turning children’s actions into adult actions and thought how refreshing it would be if you could sometimes behave like a small child. Take, for example, a decent pint when you are suddenly hungry or tired. Would the miserable feeling go away faster or would it get worse if I threw myself down on the shop floor to lie down?

What would the co-workers and the boss think when someone from us dragged himself to the bridge on the floor, cried and finally, when he calmed down, fell asleep on the floor?

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I suspect my adult-sized teeth ruined my pacifier experience.

Or would I be bothered by the fact that my colleagues would enthusiastically draw my attention to the bunny hopping in the yard? Maybe the soothing effect of the pacifier would work for me too? I tried it once, though, and I suspect my adult-sized teeth ruined the experience.

Maybe basically I’m thinking about this: would life be easier if everything wasn’t like that accurate all the time? So what if the candy has got hairs from the cotton swab? You can pop! And if sometimes you can’t find another treat, you can grab a few of the dog’s chocolate buttons (sorry my neighbor’s dog Petunia, I might have eaten some of your chocolates as a child).

In particular, I’ve been thinking about the magic of pretending to be a child during phone calls. According to my experience, you could start the call just by opening the line and being silent or by asking directly: “Why did you call me?”

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You could start the call by being silent.

During the call, you could then put your own information on the pipe and then hang up without saying what you heard separately. Or you could just put the phone on the table or the floor, leave the room and leave the conversation hanging – without any malice! How straightforward everyday life would become!

I tried these phone games while talking with my good friend. He started to explain one of his issues at great length, and didn’t stop, even though I repeatedly said that “I really have to stop now”. First I put the phone on the kitchen table and went to the living room. No effect. When I finally hung up, my friend immediately called back and said something must be going on and just hung up. It didn’t work as a children’s gimmick for an adult.

But there’s one trick I just learned from my toddler that sure works. If someone asks you a question that you can’t or don’t want to answer, look the questioner straight in the eyes and say: “Pig says yum yum.”

Otherwise, there will be no follow-up questions.