Children | “This kind of behavior starts to bother me night after night” – Getting a child to sleep can be a struggle

What’s to help when the evening activities don’t go well and going to bed is a struggle? The 4-year-old is constantly inventing other things to do and doesn’t want to eat. The evenings are spent teasing the 3-year-old sister. Brushing your teeth is one cry, you should brush your teeth by force if you want them brushed. When we get to bed, we start fussing when we don’t like the bedtime story, we demand water or we’re hungry or need to pee. And if there’s an opportunity, you have to go bull the younger one.”

The article is part of a series of articles in which child psychiatrist Janna Rantala answers questions posed by readers. He writes his answer on a general level without knowing the reader’s situation in more detail.

Child psychiatrist Janna Rantala answer:

“Now it seems that good advice and tricks are not enough, but practical help is needed for the whole family.

It sounds like you are over the moon with the child’s behavior. Then you have to start with the most important thing: the parent’s own health.

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I do not blame and not to blame, but it sounds like the impossible is being demanded of a 4-year-old now. The behavior you’re describing is quite common – if incredibly taxing – for someone this age. He seems restless, maybe anxious, at least resistant.

Your thoughts are also quite ordinary. You don’t describe your own feelings, but I bet that since we parents are people and not superheroes, this kind of behavior starts to wear off night after night, frankly.

We too can become restless, worried, angry and resisting martyrs. And, as it has obviously happened to you, we begin to associate reproachful sayings and thoughts with the child.

That is also understandable, but also a sign that it is time to stop. When the child starts to appear in the parent’s thoughts as a “bully, pester, bully” and not as a small child in need of help, help is urgently needed.

Your reaction shows that enough is enough, I can’t do it alone.

When we get tired we lose the guiding idea that we are dealing with a small child whose even incomprehensible behavior is an indication of the feelings or thoughts he is experiencing.

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Maybe he is jealous of the little sister? Maybe he’s afraid (even if there’s no reason) that he won’t be liked? Maybe the tense atmosphere affects him the most and makes him feel bad?

A child needs an adult who reaches his world of thought. No adult can do that unless they have first gained understanding and compassion.

I emphasize that your reaction is human and actually very important: it shows that enough is enough, I can’t do it alone.

The cycle should be broken immediately, so that underneath all this trouble, you can find your own wonderful 4-year-old again.

Out it doesn’t matter if you have a support network such as loved ones or friends who you can call to take care of the children. And is there a fair division of labor with any other adults in the family? Are you sure you get some moments just for yourself every day? Do you have time to do something fun alone with your 4-year-old? Do you have people who listen to you? Do you have time for hobbies or just lounging on the couch?

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It may be that the situation has already calmed down. If not, I would use all the help inside and outside the family: also public services such as family counselling, family work and counseling psychologist.

The cycle should be broken immediately, so that underneath all this trouble, you can find your own wonderful 4-year-old again. And his lovely parents.”

The story has been published in the 11/22 issue of the HS Mejn perhe magazine. HS Our family is a magazine about family relationships, which is edited by HS.

Read more: When a child sleeps badly and all techniques have been used, one person can help

Read more: When a child can’t catch up on sleep, the reason may lie in the day’s schedule

Read more: Just when a parent thinks that the age of defiance is over, some children start having tantrums again

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