Believe Sisko | If the wedding couple wants money as a gift, how much should they give?

In this column, Sisko looks for answers to readers’ questions about customs, ethics and other life dilemmas. Do you have a question in mind? Send it to Sisko: [email protected]

thank you again for your questions, dear friends. Let’s go straight to them this time.

Why does modern literature no longer know tenses? It’s unnerving to read just the present; it’s like reading the script of a play. Many books have been left on the library shelf because I just can’t bear to read this type of literature. An older writer stated that the tense of the book is imperfect. The writer Kaari Utrio also said that he had changed the verbs of all his works to the imperfect. Where does this trend come from?

– A caterpillar

The literary scholar and publishing editor in my reading circle were both eager to think about the answer.

The literary scholar was cautious about the idea of ​​the present tense as a real trend, because the imperfect is also still widely used.

According to him, however, one explanation could be that the imperfect has been common in literature for a long time, which is why experimenting with the present might seem more interesting to the writer.

According to the publishing editor, the questioner is on the right track with his play comparison.

“But instead of a play read on paper, reading a skillfully written book in the present reminds me of the experience of watching a play,” he writes in his message.

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“Whereas theater is the art of presence, where you get the feeling that anything can happen, the same sense of danger is best also in the first-person narration of a book – it takes you to the middle of the events, to the moment of fate. The reader gets to witness events in a moment where nothing has been decided yet.”

In the imperfect, alongside the moment of experience, there is an awareness of another time and place: the situation from which the events are narrated. It’s all over and the experience has become a thing of the past.

As the publisher describes the impression created by the imperfect:

“The danger is over. If it is a first-person narrator, he is left to tell the readers about what happened. Even if everything depicted is terrible, it is not so terrible that it would not have been told about afterwards (even if from beyond the grave).”

So both better.

Sister good! I have a question about wedding etiquette. My husband and I are going to a school friend’s wedding, and like many people these days, this wedding couple also wants money as a gift. The problem is that we don’t know how to judge what is the appropriate amount to donate. We are both working people and thus get by quite well, but in the tightening economic situation there is not much money, and neither of us is particularly close to the wedding couple. Consider donating a larger amount. Is there a bylaw? How much would you give yourself?

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– A stinging spike

In general, both guests and invitees hope above all that the day will be remembered well by everyone, and therefore money matters should not remain on anyone’s mind.

For the wedding couple and their close circle, organizing a party is often a huge investment, either in terms of money or time. Sometimes you hear it said that the gift should roughly match the value of the meal offered, but I myself have a slightly different opinion.

Guests come specifically as guests. The wedding couple gets to choose how big and expensive the event is. For some of the guests, the party is already a pricey occasion due to the travel and accommodation. That’s why I think that a considerate wedding couple thinks carefully about the tone of the invitation and gift request.

Marriages are concluded today on average at an older age than in the past, and many who have lived on their own for years do not need more vases or sheets. It’s understandable to want money, but it’s still worth expressing it in such a way that the bank transfer doesn’t start to feel like paying for an entrance ticket.

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The wedding couple may be tempted to include in the wedding budget an estimate of the amount to be received from the guests. Humane, but not festive.

What should a guest do if money is clearly still expected?

You write that you are quite well off, so the fear is that a small amount will seem impolite. If so, the following tips may help.

You can agree on a joint gift with acquaintances. When the amount has been negotiated together, there is no need to feel uncertain about it alone or as a couple. This can also make it easier for single people who may feel pressured to donate a seemingly large amount from one person’s income.

Or you can bet on a card. To welcome a newly married couple to the village or to write about the joy you get from being in contact. There should be no reason to underestimate warmth and sincerity.

Or you just donate the smallest amount you dare and think you are advocates of moderation in this materialistic society.

I would really like to feel welcome at the party, even if, for one reason or another, I could only donate a few tens of euros at that moment.

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