Relationship coach Rich Juzwiak was approached by a middle-aged woman who had stopped having sex with her husband because she did not agree to share his erotic fantasy. Her letter and the specialist’s response published published by Slate.
The author of the letter said that the last time she had intimacy with her husband was four years ago. A man explains his reluctance to have sex due to problems with erection. However, the woman is sure that this is just an excuse, since he masturbates to adult videos. “I recently found out that my husband watches porn with anal sex. (…) We don’t deal with it. One day he asked if we should try anal sex, but I’m very old-fashioned,” she said. The woman added that after her refusal, their intimate life gradually faded away, and she has not yet decided to discuss this problem with her husband.
In response, Yuzwiak drew attention to the fact that if a person can achieve an erection during masturbation, this does not mean that he does not have problems with potency: sometimes psychological factors can complicate partner sex. During an act of self-satisfaction, an erection can be strong, but during sexual intercourse it may not be sufficient for penetration, he emphasized.
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In addition, the expert doubted the letter’s author’s assumption that her husband’s refusal to have sex was only due to an increased interest in anal sex. According to Juzwiak, the real problem may be his resentment towards his wife. “There could be a scenario where he really wants anal sex, you blow him off, and he loses interest in sex with you. But this is only one of the options; you will need more information to be sure of this,” the expert noted.
He advised the woman to continue asking her husband questions about the topic that concerns her, but to do so without judgment. “When talking to your husband about your sex life or lack thereof, your tone should be one of curiosity and positivity. Negative emotions can make him withdraw into himself,” Juzwiak explained. If in this case nothing works out, you should seek help from a family psychologist or sexologist, he concluded.
Previously, Juzwiak gave advice to a woman who lost interest in her 74-year-old husband after he became bedridden. According to the letter’s author, before her husband became disabled after heart surgery, their sex life was intense, and now she has to change his diapers.
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