They say that fame is not everything, and for the singer and actress Selena Gomez (Grand Prairie, Texas, USA, 30 years old) that mantra is essential in her life. She has been surrounded by spotlights since she was seven years old, in recent years lupus —a disease that was diagnosed in 2015— and bipolarity have scripted the steps that she has had to take in her career. But now she has faced everything she has experienced and she dares to show it publicly through her documentary: Selena Gomez: my mind and I, available from November 4 on Apple TV +. A documentary that is not based on the glamor that surrounds her, but on her most vulnerable and human side, which she shows without filters and which she has recorded over four years, between 2016 and 2020.
An hour and a half of footage in which the artist undresses her fears, her insecurities and dares to expose her moments of weakness. “I’m so tired,” Gomez comments to her friend Raquelle de Ella, lying on top of her in a car in Paris. “Do you want to take your medicine?” she asks without getting an answer, “I know the answer, but you have to”. In 2019, the interpreter of who says he had to stop living as he was doing for his mental health. “Everything I wanted or dreamed of I have fulfilled, but he has also killed me.”
The life of who was a Disney girl has been putting some tests on her along the way that she has been gradually overcoming. In 2016, when it seemed like it was going to be her best year — musically speaking — she was forced to cancel her tour revival after giving more than 55 concerts due to anxiety, depression and panic attacks caused by lupus. Weeks after the announcement, she had to be admitted to a rehabilitation clinic to treat her illness. Days before starting said tour, Gomez was not going through his best moment. “It’s all bullshit. Fatal paint. I have no idea what I’m doing,” she is seen saying in the documentary between sobs to her friends and her team in the dressing room, during the last rehearsal of her Show. “All the time I have a voice in my head that tells me that this is shit, that I have forgotten this or that. The pressure is incredible, I don’t want to let anyone down.”
Some confessions that she recounts while images of her appear with her fans, acting and even taking her pulse minutes before going on stage to control her health – something she must do for lupus. Her friends also recount intimate talks with the artist: “We wanted to have a conversation to find out what was wrong with her and she told us: ‘I don’t know. I can not explain it. I wish you could feel what I feel in my head,’ Raquelle explains to the camera.
And although lupus already made him stop momentarily in 2016, a year later he did it definitively. The singer had to undergo a kidney transplant due to complications with the disease. Her donor was her friend and actress Francia Raisa. Her mother, who was with her during the process, reveals what she felt five years after her intervention. She “I thought she was going to die. It was a miracle that it came out. I’m still afraid that it will happen to her again, ”she narrates, visibly moved as she wipes away her tears.
In addition to lupus, depression, anxiety, and a kidney problem, in 2019, Selena Gomez was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. “I don’t want to go to the hospital, but I have to go so I don’t get stuck in my mind. I want to apologize to my mother for the way I have spoken to her many times. She was not me ”, explains the artist as she prepares to go to the medical center.
Despite the fact that his state of health improved over time, the documentary shows how with each step he took there was a small relapse: dizziness, insecurities and vomiting, episodes he went through every time he faced a public event . But the artist tries to show that she knows how to keep something positive from every bad moment: in her case, she was born her song Lose You to Love Me. In 45 minutes she had written one of her most special, delicate and important topics for her, and the one that helped her overcome one of the longest stages of her life: her breakup with Justin Bieber. “It’s more than a song of lost love. It is with which I have learned to choose myself and life before others, ”she says on this subject in the documentary. Her relationship with the Canadian singer was always in the media spotlight, even after his separation and when he was already married to the model Hailey Bieber: “Everything was very public. I felt contained by a past relationship that they wouldn’t let me out of.”
During the promotion of his single in London he lived one of the most difficult moments that made him return to the past. A journalist asks her a series of questions to which she responds. When the conversation between the two ends, the artist vents to her team: “She wasn’t listening to me and it’s something that pisses me off because I don’t want to feel like that again. It took me a long time to get out of there.”
Since she was diagnosed in 2015, the disease has not given her rest. In 2020, she had to face a treatment of four hours a day in which she was connected to a machine and during which she was visibly affected. “I just want to be happy and normal. I don’t want to be super famous,” she relates.
Despite the difficulties of her illness, Gomez has taken time over the years to show her most human side. One of her dreams, as she reveals in the screening, was to create a foundation or a school with a psychologist to help children. A year later, in 2020, she created the Rare Impact Fundwith which he has raised 100 million dollars to provide psychological help to the little ones.
Always making her problems visible, the singer sends a final message to those who are going through the same situation as her: “The essential thing is to know what to do and recognize it. It’s something I’m not ashamed of. You are not a bad person, you are not crazy, you just have to learn to deal with it. Gomez continues to grow and accumulate projects: she continues with the successful series of Disney + Only murders in the building and has already announced that she will release a new album in 2023. Nothing and no one stops the artist, only herself when she needs it.
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