They had never heard of the word dickpics. Now they know what it is. A photo of a male genitalia, says Miep Huisman (almost 82), “which he sends.” Resolutely: “Anyone who does that is a pervert in my eyes.” “I think it’s dirty,” says her sister Ada Huisman (83), while she crochets a Feyenoord blanket at a rapid pace. “It may also be that he is proud that he has a large one,” suggests Lizetta Scholte-Kloos (almost 71).
The ladies are having coffee in Miep Huisman’s living room on Noordereiland in Rotterdam. They all grew up in that neighborhood. They have experienced enough pushy behavior from men. “As a 17-year-old girl, I worked in a shoe store in the men’s department,” says Lizetta. “You had to go up a ladder to get your shoes. There was one chef who always wanted to hold the ladder, peek under your skirt. Everyone knew. You did nothing about it.”
Miep: “I have worked in cleaning, in shops, in a factory… It happens everywhere.”
Lizetta: “Yes, in the spring roll factory you were locked up in the cold store for a while. When you came out, such a man pressed you against him, ostensibly to warm you up again.”
Complain about it? It didn’t even occur to them. Miep: “You didn’t say anything about it at home, because then you would have provoked it yourself.”
Neighbour
Often there was no harm in it, says Ada. She tells of a neighbor who went to work in the morning, said “good morning girl”, put his arm around her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “That’s just how it went.”
You only had to be careful if there was alcohol in it. They agree. As a woman, you know that even “good guys” can get touchy. Or aggressive. Or possessive. Even their own men. Lizetta: “My husband was really jealous. When we went to the pub together, it was often a fight. Then I would have laughed too much at that one. Looked too long at someone else.”
They had very clear boundaries at a young age. Ada: „I had a boy next door, who had his fingers in my pants. I gave them a few slaps.” Miep: “She fought like a man.” Ada nods with satisfaction: “I was able to defend myself well.”
Lizetta was also assaulted as a young girl when she was sweeping the outside stairs. A man grabbed her between her legs like that. She ran to her mother crying. “He took that very seriously. She called the police and they came. I drove around in a police car to see if I saw him.”
Assertive
They are fine with young women not being messed around with. But sometimes they are too assertive, they say. Lizetta: “You can’t even be whistled or yelled at anymore.”
Miep: “If you’re wearing a tiny sweater and mini skirt, you shouldn’t be surprised if someone laughs or whistles at you. Then you ask for it.”
Lizetta: “We liked it when people whistled at us.”
Miep: “Then I walked another round.”
Lizetta: “Sure, you got attention. I sometimes made comments to men: ‘You smell so good. You look gorgeus’.”
The first step had to come from the boy, they say. Lizetta: “We did say it to each other: I like Henk.” Then you had to find out on which corner Henk was standing. “Boys were always in a group on a corner.”
Miep: “We also challenged them. Walk by a few times and have a look.” Lizetta: „You didn’t say, ‘Shall we kiss?’ You walked a bit together, smoking a cigarette. Then you stood against a wall and he kissed. If you didn’t want to, you wouldn’t go for a walk.”
A big difference with the past is that young people today know everything, long before the first kiss. They knew nothing then. Lizetta: “Sex was not talked about at home.”
Ada: „Our mother said: ‘Don’t get dirty with boys, eh.’ You could do it with that.”
Lizetta: “I’ve never seen my father in his underwear either.” Ada: “I do mine. I had to wash his back at the sink. He also washed our backs. But that was normal.”
Accidentally pregnant
When it comes to sex, you had to figure everything out for yourself, says Miep. “Had I known more, I wouldn’t have had the first child when I was sixteen and three before I was 21. You didn’t even know how to get the baby out.”
They think it’s progress that you no longer have to get married if you accidentally get pregnant, and that you can divorce your husband as a woman. Miep: “Now women say: ‘Just get on with it, because I can do it without you too.’”
That used to be different. They all three say they couldn’t have left if they had wanted to leave. They had no money and you really couldn’t go back to your parents. Miep: “They saw you coming with three children.” Lizetta: “They said: you chose it yourself.”
There is more confusion now, they think. What is still allowed and what is not allowed? And the media magnifies everything like that, especially television. Such an issue Overmars, it’s about from morning to night, Lizetta says: “Of course you don’t send dick picks. But when a grown woman gets one, you can also think: how sad.”
A version of this article also appeared in NRC Handelsblad on 12 February 2022
A version of this article also appeared in NRC in the morning of February 12, 2022
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