The hustle and bustle we experience in all areas of our lives also affects our relations. In fact, it is one of the sectors that is most damaged by this vdizzying speed that overwhelms us daily.
Taking things slow, especially when it comes to love, seems like an impossible task, but slow love is a mindful approach to dating that emphasizes the importance of taking the time to get to know someone before entering into a relationship. It’s about building a strong, meaningful connection with someone based on shared values, interests, and goals. This trend, known as ‘slow love‘, it’s not about being overly cautious but about being intentional and purposeful in your dating and taking the time to make sure the person you’re with is the right one for you.
Understanding slow love
Slow love is about being present in the moment and enjoying the journey of getting to know someone. That is, taking the time to build a solid foundation of trust, respect and communication. This is not about rushing into a relationship or trying to force a connection but about being patient and allowing the relationship to develop naturally. By taking things slowly, you can avoid dangers of falling in love too quickly of someone getting caught up in the excitement of a new relationship.
Mara Mariño, couples therapist and sexologist (Bienquererse.com), speaks with Adopte, a dating app, about this new trend that is so important on a sentimental level and explains that, when talking about ‘slow love‘, we are referring to ‘the possibility of discovering a person we like with every intention of truly getting to know them. This means moving away from the accelerated pace of current relational consumerism, where ties seem dispensable, almost disposable. Instead of get carried away by the immediacyWhen opting for this way of flirting, it is values such as taking it easy, emotional responsibility, awareness, tenderness or romanticism that lead to opening up to the person in front of you.
In this sense, more and more people are open to getting to know someone in a more gradual and maintain higher quality relationships and stability, as opposed to the sporadic and untethered relationships to which we have been accustomed. According to Mara Mariño, this change to seek more real and meaningful connections is mainly due to two factors: «Firstly, the pandemic highlighted the unwanted loneliness that many people suffered and made us value the importance of take care of personal ties. To that we must add the insecurity “What does the economic and social panorama cause to generations Z or millennials.”
As he continues, with this climate of uncertainty, “it is normal that, as a reaction, dating relationships are valued, which have become a source of support, a safe space, a place where love flourishes but also friendship or companionship. It is a consequence of the precariousness of contemporary life, the inconsistent labor market and even the family system crisis by delaying the age of having children. Now, if you are in a relationship, it is because you really want to give the best to the other person. “It is not to make life (even) more complicated, but to form a team and enjoy that union.”
Create a safe space
Mara Mariño recommends that we opt for conscious dating. Of course, following a few tips: «To begin with, we must show ourselves without filters, so that the other person does not create the wrong image, and make our expectations clear. Speaking honestly is essential if we are going to touch on topics that lead to deep conversations and embrace vulnerability – both our own and that of the other person -, without fear of emotions making an appearance. Also create a safe space to talk – letting them know that you are not going to judge, but that you are going to accept them as they are -, dedicate full attention with active listening and move away from your cell phone. “You can tell your friend later how the date went.”
In this new panorama, we must also be aware of the most common problems that arise when meeting someone. To start getting to know someone in the best way, it is necessary to leave prejudices behind, open your mind to what we can find, be realistic and, above all, be patient to be able to connect in due time, without rushing.
«As a couples therapist and sexologist, some of the queries I receive in this regard are problems when communicating or setting very high expectations as a result of a childhood marked by fiction films that promoted unrealistic romantic stereotypes. Also creating illusions too quickly – with the risk that entails of being disappointed if the relationship does not progress; exaggerating one’s own qualities too much, creating a personality ‘to the taste’ of the other person instead of showing ourselves as we are; wave distrust when it comes to letting yourself go for this new love story due to past relationships that may have caused some type of suffering,” explains Mara, from her professional point of view.
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