A TikToker explains why he doesn’t “help” his wife with laundry, cooking or taking care of the kids. A psychologist knows how important this is.
The American JR Minton works full time for the parcel delivery company UPS, while his wife Brittany is a housewife to their four children Children cares. On TikTok As @minton__jr, he regularly talks about his life as a working father. He left in September 2023 went viral with a video in which he said not to help his wife with household chores. “I don’t help my wife with cooking, I don’t help her with the children, cleaning, laundry – none of that.”
At the end of September 2024, he explains again what he actually means by this: “In the video I said that I don’t help my wife with cleaning, doing laundry, supervising children or cooking because that is also my job. I can’t help her with something that’s also my job.”
Above all, he was concerned with the wording: “When I say that I ‘help my wife with the children’, it perpetuates the idea that she is responsible for our children and I am just assisting. We have a partnership; I take care of my children and I don’t help,” he said in the viral video at the time.
At BuzzFeed US He explained: “Although I earn money from my work, my wife gives me the opportunity to work. Her being a housewife and mother is a privilege for me and the children, not for her,” says Minton. “I have just as much responsibility for the household and the children.”
Psychologist explains why both parents have to take responsibility
Couples therapist Yvonne Beuckens knows how important this attitude is. In her opinion, couples should use the time before the birth of their first child to talk about the fact that both parents have to take responsibility. This is the only way someone can successful distribution of care work between spouses succeed.
“It is important to clarify in advance what needs who and to ensure that both parents are primarily responsible for the child or children for a longer period of time,” she says BuzzFeed News Germany from IPPEN.MEDIA. “If a partner doesn’t want to deal with this, then he or she may not be the right person. I would say: keep your eyes open when choosing a partner!”
Why the second child is a turning point in many relationships
Minton is one such partner who is grappling with how he can support his wife and take responsibility for his four children despite having a job. “When it comes to having their first child, many couples still hold on to the life they had before Parenthood firmly. One part usually takes on more responsibility than the other. Many people are still holding out and gritting their teeth,” says Beuckens.
This no longer works with the second child, there has to be a turning point, otherwise relationships might even break up after the second child. “With the third child, the situation is so complex that most couples give up the old model of life to a certain extent and understand: It only works if we both take responsibility.” Then there are “positive synergy effects,” explains Beuckens BuzzFeed News Germany. There really is something to the saying that everything gets easier from the age of three – and Minton shows what it can look like.
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