“Lawnmower parents” can trigger anxiety in their children. An expert explains why divorced couples are particularly at risk.
If Parents every little obstacle in the life of their Children mow every blade of grass, they are called “lawnmower parents”. This method of parenting can trigger fears in children, warns psychologist and educator Jenny Grant Rankin at BuzzFeed News Germany from IPPEN.MEDIABecause children of lawnmower parents do not learn to deal with defeat, they are more likely to develop depression and anxiety disorders as adults.
“Divorced parents are particularly at risk of becoming lawnmower parents because they want to spare their child further trauma. To a certain extent, that’s OK, but many parents go too far,” says Rankin. They are more likely to let their children stay home from school, do their homework for them, or try everything with the teacher so that the child doesn’t have to stay in detention, says the psychologist.
“They try to control their child’s emotions. They say to themselves: My child had a hard time, but look, I made it better because he was happy again for a short time. But that is only in the short term – in the long run it causes more damage,” the expert points out.
Lawnmower parents: Why children of divorce are particularly affected
Rankin is a divorced mother herself and therefore knows what she is talking about. She also tried to “compensate for negative emotions” with her child of divorce. She speaks of a “fine line” that divorced parents walk, because on the one hand it is right to want to “spare the child further trauma”, but it is also important that the child develops strength or “grit”. “That is really difficult!” Even families with children who have had a serious accident or are suffering from a mental illness Illness are “particularly affected”.
“One time my daughter forgot her violin at her father’s house. Since students get into trouble if they don’t bring their instruments to school, I brought her the violin to school. If there hadn’t been a divorce, I probably wouldn’t have done that because I want her to be independent. But I felt guilty,” says Rankin. BuzzFeed News Germany.
Teacher gives divorced parents a tip
What helped her was when her daughter was old enough to talk to her about the problem. “I told her honestly that she couldn’t use the divorce as an excuse. These conversations helped both of us a lot,” says the educator from Laguna Beach (California). She believes that there are more and more lawnmower parents because today’s millennial parents put a lot of pressure on themselves compared to boomer parents.
What is your tip for (divorced) parents to avoid becoming lawnmower parents? “Parents need to ask themselves every time they are tempted to rush to their child’s aid whether they are doing so because it hurts them to see their child fail, or whether there is a real reason to intervene. For example, if the child is in imminent danger, or if there is a serious case of bullying.”
Most of the time, that’s not the case. “Children learn from most obstacles for later life,” says Rankin. “It’s important that parents really stop and think about whether what they’re doing is really helping their child in the long term or just in the short term. And if it’s just in the short term, then we should reconsider.”
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